Is Mikal the one? – Heiniger-Net

	Inshirah hat am 3/7/2002 gefragt:
	Is Mikal the one?

	Daniel_heiniger hat am 3/7/2002 geantwortet
	Absolutely! No doubt!

	Inshirah hat am 5/7/2002 gefragt:
	I like your answer, but what are basing that answer on?

Daniel_heiniger hat am 6/7/2002 geantwortet

I don’t know if I really want to go into this. My first reaction to your question is that this must be a joke, and whence my answer – its a joke too. What am I supposed to base an answer on? You don’t give me anything to work with. I am not a magician.

If you have a real question that you want a real answer to, then tell me more about yourself, about Mikal and about the situation between the two of you. I can only work with information you give me. But I *can* give you some good advice on relationship issues based on my psychological experience, common sense and the life I went through myself.

Greetings

— Daniel

Inshirah hat am 6/7/2002 gefragt:

You are funny. Well, we met online about 5 months ago. He was separated at the time. We hit it off immediately. We started communicating everyday. We talked via email and phone. We even talked marriage. Recently, his wife showed up and wanted a reconciliation. He has 4 children by her. The oldest 18, the youngest 6. Anyway, out of a sense of loyalty, he returned to the situation. He says he does not love his wife. She says now she is ready to be the kind of wife he wants and needs. She was also obese and said now she is ready to lose weight and take care of herself so that she can be a good wife. I haven’t heard from him since that time. That was a month ago. Is she really making him happy or will he return to me? My birthdate 10-11-47. His is 8-22-61.

Daniel_heiniger hat am 9/7/2002 geantwortet

Okay, I’ll take back my original statement and turn around to say: « absolutely not! ».

« old habits die hard », as the saying goes, and, in this context, this means that it is much harder to break existing relationships than create new ones. Even if it may seem otherwise. It is easier to stay in a relationship for a number of reasons: these two people know each other well, they know each others faults and virtues, they know what to expect and what not. they trust each other. They have children together.

For you, of course, this is a very difficult situation. Actually, you can’t do much but wait and see. You don’t really have a moral right to him as could be said in other circumstances. It is rather his children that have a right to him. And I guess he feels that as a responsibility.

Whether she makes him happy or not is besides the point: He may have decided that his duties in that relationship haven’t been fulfilled yet. And then, happiness is nothing that one person « gives » another. It is more a state of mind. Therefore a personal decision.

Now you may feel used. And probably you are. But don’t take it personal. Wait a little and then ask him for what his decision is and whether he knows what he is doing. If he says, he does, then that is the end of this story. If not, ask him to be straight with himself and you and to make up his mind. Give him time or, if you can’t wait, leave it right there. Your life isn’t over yet and there are other men in this world.

Hope this helps, even if it hurts

— Daniel

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